Sometime in the not so near future, there will be a new middle school English teacher who is scared shitless about running a classroom full of hormone-crazed twelve year old boys and girls who want nothing to do with her grammar lesson and even less to do with how badly she wants to change their lives for the better.
That will be me.
The more we go to these teacher classes, the more I like to think that I will be able to handle a classroom. But in reality, I'm sure there will be tons of things that I won't know how to handle, and I'm sure I'll have a panic attack or two or twenty.
I would really love to get a teaching job though. Some days I think I'd be the best damn teacher ever, and some days I want to hide under my nonexistant teacher desk.
I know that even with all of my ridiculous planning antics that I will never been sufficiently ready for a teaching career. No matter how many procedures and routines that I come up with for my students, no matter how perfect my color coded folders are, no matter how well I get along with my principal, I will never be able to control everything that happens.
I think that's what scares me the most. The unknown of teaching. The fact that one day I could wake up only to go to work to have a student puke all over their desk, or have a student bring porn to school, or have a fire burn down the school. It's scary to think about, really.
Scary...isn't the best word for it I suppose. Maybe it's more along the lines of...oh I dunno....fucking terrifying.
haha. I don't know why I wrote this post, but I guess it's just something I needed to get outta my head.
Where's Chapter 10?
ReplyDeleteAlso, one marvelous thing I've learned in life... is that no one is ever truly ready for anything, but you do it anyway. Shit turns out ok, usually. Sometimes it doesn't, so you either adjust some things or back up and start again.
It's late/early... my philosophical side is failing me a bit. I'm sure you know what I mean, though.
Hey! I also am afraid, but after spending a few weeks in an eighth grade classroom, I've realized what really makes me want middle school more than high school: they're scared of me. And I like that. So don't worry! They won't bring in porn, or start fires or puke on desks because guess what?? They'll be afraid of you too. :)
ReplyDeleteyou'll be a wonderful teacher bab; just remember that great teaching is a skill and can be learned ; ) yessth
ReplyDelete-puke: check
ReplyDelete-porn: check
-fire: not yet
As much as I complain about teaching, I really do enjoy (most of) the kids.
I think you will, too!