Duckponds and Swingsets

Summer time is coming to a close. It's been fun, but I'm so ready for fall! Here's some of the great highlights from this summer:

It's been a great summer, with lots of sweet memories including Penny saying her first words, crawling, lots of long walks at the Mill Pond, feeding the duckies, napping, snuggles, messy baby kisses and hugs.

I'm a lucky mama.

A Family Picnic

This past week the weather here in Michigan has been sunny and warm! Summer has finally really arrived! As part of my 101 Things in 1001 Days, one of my things to do is to take Penny on a picnic. So we did!

We packed up the Focus and headed over to Kensington Metro Park (one of our favorite places on the planet) and found ourselves a cozy little spot to picnic by the water and boat launch.

Even Miss Penelope was happy to be outdoors and getting some fresh air! It was fabulous getting out of the house and enjoying nature a bit.

We brought some veggie sushi, veggie chips and chocolate cake for dessert.

Once we finished the sushi, we realized we forgot to bring forks for the cake! DOH!

It's a good thing I'm an expert chopstick user. I taught Jim how to do it.After lunch, we sat on the blanket under some trees and watched swans swimming in the lake. Penny also showed me how she does the chicken dance. (never mind the giant pole sticking out of the back of her head, silly flagpole in the way of the cute picture!)

All in all, it was a wonderful afternoon together. I can't wait to have more picnics this summer at Kensington!

Do you go on picnics? What are your favorite snacks to bring?

blogging fail

Sorry I've been MIA lately. I've been working A TON and actually interviewed for another job which I REALLY hope I get. I'm a busy lady.

I've gotten a few painting orders as of late too, which has kept me busy too. I wish I had more time to devote to my painting, I feel like between work, family time, sleeping, painting, and getting in some relaxing time, I'm just totally spent. Why can't there be more hours in the day? And why can't I do better on less sleep? Sleeping is silly, but I love it.

Miss Penelope is doing well. She's got two little teeth popping through, one's already all the way through, the other is causing her all kinds of trouble and pain and this Mama Bear doesn't like it! I hate seeing her in pain, she's so little and can't understand why she's hurting and she just gets this look in her eyes that's like, "why is this happening to me, Mama? It hurts so bad!"

We've been giving her a mesh teether thing with frozen juice in it to help soothe her gums, which she seems to looooooove. See exhibit A below:


But for the most part, she's a very happy almost 9 month old (holy crap, 3 more months and she'll be a year old!) and she's getting to the stage where she's figured out how to throw tantrums and scream about anything and everything. But she's also moving around like it's nobody's business. She's thisclose to walking, she keeps standing and holding onto something, then letting go and slowly bending her knees til she's on the floor again. We seriously need to invest in baby gates. Right now we're using those huge blue storage bins and they are an eyesore and a pain in the ass to get over with a sleeping baby in your arms. But overall, things with Penelope are great, she's really funny and has started dancing to music (I'll post a video soon). She waves and smiles and plays games with you (peek-a-boo mostly) and she has really started amusing herself. She's realized she has these things called HANDS and you can move them around and open and close them and grab things and WOW! It's a whole new world!

Look ma! I've got hands!

I've been trying really hard to think of things I can write about in here, but my brain is so mushy most of the time from doing something constantly that it's just like, meh.

Oh! My wonderful grandparents are in town for 10 days visiting from Florida, and yesterday was the first time they met miss Penny. They just adored her and it was so cute to see them with her. Penny has also reached that stage where she doesn't like strangers much, so she cries whenever someone new holds her. Which always baffles me because some people get all offended when babies cry when they hold them, they're like, "aww he/she must not like me at all! waaaaa!" It's like, no, you're a stranger, they're a baby. They don't know you. If some weird person picked you up and made googly eyes at you and weird noises and you couldn't talk yet, you'd probably cry too. Just sayin'.

So today I have a day off of work, I'm trying to decide how much time to dedicate to painting, to family time, and to cleaning. I need to do all three today, as all three are important (one more than others, obviously). So perhaps we'll go to Kensington today and have a picnic (on my 101 things list!) or something. It's a pretty perfect day for it, 78 and sunny! We might also go to the Salvation Army just to peruse around. I have a few crafty ideas I want to get started on, so we'll see if that happens or not...

What are you doing today?

Switching Roles - A Father's Day Story

So Penelope is 8 1/2 months old now, and in her short life, she's moved across the country, then to a city across the state we moved back to, and then back across the state again. We've done a lot of moving because, well, life happens.

During those first 4-5 months of her life, I was a stay-at-home mom. My husband had a job that allowed us to do this and we were very grateful for that. I will never forget that time I had with her, never. But now that we moved back home (move #3), my husband and I have switched roles. Due to the amazing economy, he lost his job, so we had to move back in with my folks for awhile. It's been really hard for us.

Going from being completely self-sufficient and living on your own for 8 years to living in your parents' basement is hard to swallow. As lucky as we are, and as grateful as we are for being able to move back home for awhile to get back on our feet, it's still tremendously difficult.

Like I said, Hubby and I have switched roles. I'm working now, for just over minimum wage (thanks Bachelor's Degree!) and Hubby's at home with Penelope. He's going back to school in the fall to complete a computer programming and engineering degree so that he can get a great job and we can finally start our lives successfully. We both feel like we've barely been able to keep our head above water for awhile now, and I know how stressful this is on him, as well as me, obviously.

Ok, so the whole reason I wanted to write this post is because I just want to let my Hubby know how happy it makes me to see him with our daughter. To see him become "Daddy" and really let himself be who he is around Penny. I don't know if he even realizes how good of a father he is. The Jim I see when he's around Penny is the Jim I fell in love with, a much different version, but a confident, silly, handsome, smiling, proud version. And I love it.

The Jim I fell in love with was a rebellious punk rocker who smoked cigarettes and drank Jack Daniels on a regular basis. He knew he was sexy. He oozed confidence, that kind of "I don't give a f*!k" attitude that made me swoon. He knew he mesmerized me, or maybe he didn't. I still don't know for sure. He wore dark skinny jeans and black dirty t-shirts and chucks and had hair like Robert Smith. He wore a studded belt with a pentagram belt buckle. He didn't give a shit about what people thought about him. He was SO hot.


The Jim I'm in love with now is much different, but still just as amazing and sexy to me as he was before. He's confident, but in different ways, and about different things. He dresses a bit differently, he's shaved his head (no more Robert Smith hair), he prefers vegan cuisine and doesn't smoke anymore, and barely drinks. He has goals and dreams for us as a family. He's all grown up.



The Jim I'm in love with now is a great Daddy. He loves Penelope with his whole heart, and you can see it in his eyes when he looks at her. When he walks into the room and she smiles and jumps and gets excited, you can see how much it means to him to be loved back by her. He will do ANYTHING to make her smile, make any noise, mimic anyone, sing silly songs that he makes up on the spot. He's very protective of her, and watches her carefully. It's a side of him that I adore. It melts my heart into a gigantic mommy puddle when they're together.


So I just want to say, Hubby, Father of my child, love of my life, that you are amazing. And I am very proud of the father you've become and how much it means to you to take care of us. Penelope and I love you so much. Thank you for being in our lives.

Happy First Father's Day!

*Picture Post*

A Day at the Pool

Today, Miss Penelope and I went to visit my bestie Mikaela and her son, Sullivan. We decided to go to the pool because it was 87 degrees and sunny! Penny hasn't been swimming yet so I was SO excited that we were going to get the chance to try it out since she loves bath time so much.

This morning, Hubby and I went to Target to get Penny some of those swimmer diapers (because a soggy diaper is just, well, ew.) and a floatie of some kind so she'd be safe and sound. We found this adorable thing:

(that's definitely not us.)

The day was fun though. I hadn't seen Mikaela in like a month (which is blasphemy in best friend time) and it was so nice to get out into the sun for once. I feel like on my days off I still spend a lot of time inside. I need to get out more, and honestly, I need to work out too, but that's another post entirely. But here are a couple shots from today:

we were putting sunscreen on her head, and her hair got all crazy in the process

First time in a pool! She looks like she hates it here, but she was smiling seconds later!

Yesterday, I got to spend the afternoon with another bestie of mine, Claire! She's a long-term substitute English teacher at a middle school right now (hopefully a faculty member for next year though!) and she needed some help grading homework and papers and whatnot so I met up with her at the coffee shop and we chatted and gabbed about books and students and handwriting and caught up on each other's lives. I love hanging out with Claire, she always has such a positive attitude and always helps me look at things from a different perspective. We are two TOTALLY different people, in almost every way, but we get along so well and know each other through and through. I don't know where I'd be without Claire in my life, honestly. She's an amazing friend and I'm lucky to have her. Here we are: I tried to find a recent pic of us and I stumbled upon this one from her bday 2 years ago, and it made me smile, so I'm posting it. Sorry Claire!

While we were grading those 8th grade English papers, it made me realize how much I still want to be a teacher someday. Claire did her damnedest to get me to seriously think about going back to school, and maybe I will, but right now, it's not in the cards. But someday in the next 5 years or so, I'd like to go back to school and at least finish my teaching degree. I'd love to be a middle school English teacher, just sitting there in the coffee shop, reading these 14 year old student's reading logs and seeing their opinions of the books they're reading and seeing how their thought processes work was so interesting to me. It kind of re-ignited my passion for books and literature and writing and wanting to make it interesting and fun for kids. We'll see though if it's in the cards or not, I've got coffee to make for now, haha!

As far as my health stuff is concerned, I think I'm doing better! Tonight I realized that my hands and feet aren't AS numb as they were, it's still there for sure, but it's not nearly as bad. THIS IS SUCH A GOOD THING FOR SO MANY REASONS! I was honestly getting worried after my treatment and nothing had happened yet, that perhaps they misdiagnosed me and perhaps it was something much worse. BUT, the good news has arrived I think! One of the tell-tale signs of my specific disorder is its response to treatment. If it didn't respond to treatment then there would be a much greater chance that they misdiagnosed me, so I'm really hoping this is a good sign that they got it right on the first try. I go at the end of June for another EMG (remember, the pokey needles and taser test?) to see if they can track my nerve conductions and see that the treatment did its job in preventing further damage or not. Well, it at least feels better to me! My wrists are still REALLY weak in comparison to how they used to be, they ache a lot, but the numbness is nowhere near where it was!

I just realized that I never posted how the treatment itself went. Whoops! Ok, so I did the 5 day IVIG treatment, and it basically just made me really tired. Each day I'd come home and nap for a a few hours after, but I was pretty much myself after waking up from the naps. Here's the bad news, I got a TERRIBLE migraine that lasted 6 days afterward. The headache started on day 4, but went away before day 5, then came back after treatment on day 5 and stayed for 5 days. It was BAAAAAAAAD, too. I was immobilized basically, I could barely open my eyes, the light hurt, so I spent a lot of time in bed, under the covers with an ice pack on my head. Finally I couldn't take it anymore, and I called my Neurologist and my Neuro nurse, Crystal (who by the way is my saving grace) and she called in a steroid prescription for me to help the headaches. Well, I started the 9-day steroid and that same evening I felt 1000000x better. My headache finally subsided and I'm back to normal now, but man, I was out of work for almost 2 weeks because of this, which totally screwed us over, let me tell ya! Plus I hate not being at work, especially for a crappy reason like that. But now they know that the IVIG affects me that way, so next time I do it they can give the prescription right off the bat so I don't have to deal with the headaches. :)

Enough for now, goodnight moon.

thoughts as of late

I'm not entirely sure why, but it's nights like tonight that make me want to cry. I guess it's just a lot of pent-up stress. eh, whatever.

No one wants to hear about bad things, so I'm going to write about the good in my life.

1. Penelope Mae

First off, look at how stinkin' cute this girl is. I mean really, I think Hubby and I did a pretty darn good job here. She's ridiculous and funny and smiley and wonderful. Easily the best part of my life (sorry Hubby!) She's begun crawling and pulling herself up to standing, but she has to be holding onto something still otherwise she'll tumble. But she's getting better at falling without hurting herself, but today she did smash her face into one of her toys and it left a mark next to her left eye, she was not pleased. But she's getting tougher, and learning that just because she fell that it doesn't mean she can't get right back up and do the same thing over.

She's also sprouting her first little tooth! I cannot believe she's going to have teeth. I mean, babies are adorable, but babies with teeth?! MY BABY WITH TEETH? yeesh, I can't even imagine how she could get cuter...oh wait, yes I can, blond curly pigtails, which are totally in her future. Along with getting teeth is the ugly process of teething itself, I think we had our first crappy encounter with how bad it hurts her the other night. Poor thing was so tired but just couldn't fall asleep and kept rubbing her mouth and crying. We ended up giving her some Tylenol and a cold washcloth to chew on and she perked up a bit, then we gave her a bottle and she was down for the count. Hopefully she doesn't have a lot of nights like that night where she just can't sleep because she's in so much pain from her teeth, it breaks my heart!

Also, the biggest most awesome thing that she's done lately is..................she said "Mama" as her first word! She looked right at me and said it, and ever since then she's called just about everything else Mama, even Daddy, but it's ok, because it's a word and she said it to me! My heart melted into a giant mommy puddle when she said it. I couldn't believe it. She's not even 8 months old yet for crap's sake! She's so darn smart.

2. Hubby
Check out this handsome guy. Yep, he's all mine ladies!


Hubs and I at the park a few weeks ago.

I decided to find some of my favorite pics of us and I about died when I found a couple of these. This is from the first few weeks we started dating, so probably in October/November of 2004, I cannot believe it was that long ago! Look at us, we're kids! And I remember the day he came home with that lip ring, rawr!
This was probably 2006 or so, at the University of Michigan campus. This was my favorite picture of us for the looooooongest time. I just love his eyes in it, you can see how pretty and green they are.

This was on our honeymoon, August 2009, at Mackinac Island, Michigan. We were on the boat on the way over to the island, yet another one of my favorites.
Amidst looking for cute shots of us, I stumbled upon this one, I miss my hair like this, wasn't it fun? This was on my 22nd birthday!
Hubby and I have spent some time lately reminiscing about our past, our almost 7 years together. It's amazing to see that and to say it out loud, we've been together for 7 YEARS! Well, in September it'll be 7 years, but that's not far off. I've spent nearly a quarter of my life with this man so far, and things are only getting better. It's been fun having these memorable conversations with Hubby because I think it reminds us of all the amazing times we've had together and it's really funny to listen to him tell me how he was feeling and what he was thinking during some of our most memorable times, like our first kiss, our first "date," etc... And another night we just drove around our hometown and showed each other different places that we spent time at growing up and what it meant to us and it's been cool because I feel like I've gotten the chance to really open up to him and to have him open up to me too, it makes these memories that much more memorable when you know how you and the other person felt while experiencing the same situation.

It's good to be in love.
<3

I promise I'm going to get better at this.

Hi there, I sure am cute, doncha think?

This monthly update thing is going to change, I swear it. I'm going to be better about blogging.

I feel like there's so much to talk about. My health, Penny, Easter, work, family, life. I don't even know where to start honestly.

This week we are house-sittings at my in-laws' home. I love being here. Their home is so inviting and cozy. It's perfect in the winter because it overlooks a pond out of the back window and there are trees everywhere that when they are covered with snow, well, it's so peaceful. In the summer, it's beautiful because everything is green. The pond is full of life and the wisteria that overhangs my mother-in-law's hammock is just heaven. At night you can hear the crickets chirping and it's so quiet. In the fall, the trees are an array of bold colors. It's just wonderful here. It's like, you can actually breath fresh air and relax. It's nice to have a little getaway from our everyday lives, even if it is just for a week.

My two favorite people

Penelope is 7 months old today. She's crawling now, and today she pulled herself up into a standing position. See how proud of herself she is?

It's all happening so fast!!! I need a slow-motion button. Everyday is something new with her. She's close to saying "mama" too. And she gives kisses now, only sometimes though. She'll grab your face with both hands and plant her open drooling mouth on your cheek. It's the best kind of kiss I know of.

Juuuuuuuuust doin' her morning pushups

It's finally really spring here in MI. This is the first week that it's going to be above 55 regularly and be sunny. April was RAIN RAIN RAIN and very cold. So it's nice to see the sun finally and some blue skies and flowers. Penny and I have been enjoying the sun when we can, she got to feel grass for the first time the other day, she liked it.

what's this green stuff?

being sock free feels awesome

feeling good

I'm excited for the summer to start too. I wanted to try to find a Mommy and Me swimming class for Penny and I, but all the ones I have found so far are ridiculously overpriced, so perhaps we'll find somewhere else to try swimming. Penny loves the bathtub so much, I think she'll really enjoy swimming. She mostly likes to just be naked, like this:

her little tushie is so cute!

Easter was nice. Spending time with family is always enjoyable. We had to postpone our Easter festivities with Hubby's family because Penny and I were suffering from a gnarly cold and we didn't want her adorable cousin Isabella to get it, and believe me, it was very contagious, everyone in our house got it. :(Here's Penny and Isabella about three weeks ago. They're two months apart.


Penny got this cute hat and these cute sunglasses in her Easter basket, along with bubbles and new toys. :-)

Even amidst a bad cold, Miss Penny is a smiley happy bubbly little lady. I adore her.

Little Miss is getting some curls in her hair, so it seems she'll be taking after her Daddy as far as hair goes. It's so cute!

Here's our April Family Photo:
We'll need to take a May one soon, that one was almost a month ago now!

As far as my health goes, I do indeed have what my neurologist thought, Multifocal Motor Neuropathy with Conduction Blocks. I start my IVIG (Intravenous Immunoglobulins) treatment on the 16th, so I've ordered a few books to read for the 30ish baby free hours I'll have on my hands. It still remains to be seen how often I'll need these IVIG treatments, possibly every few weeks, every few months, once a year, who knows. It all depends on my body and how stubborn it decides to be. I've been trying to do as much research as I can about it, but there's not much out there, because so few people have it. Which makes it scary, I wish I knew someone else who was dealing with this. Might make me feel a little less alone. I don't talk about it much to anyone because no one would understand. You can't really fathom what having constantly numb hands and feet is like, unless you have it.

But things are good. My insurance covers this incredibly expensive treatment and hopefully it'll do it's job and make me feel better. My fingers are crossed.

I'm going to post more. I promise.

5 months

First, I'd like to say that today was a horrible tragedy for the people in Japan. My thoughts and prayers (you know what I mean, "atheist prayers") are going to those people and their families.


Penelope is 5 months old! Time is seriously flying now and she's getting so big. She's trying SO hard to crawl it's ridiculous. I think by the end of the month she'll have it figured out. My smart little lady. She's reaching for our faces now too, feeling things out. She grabbed my nose SO hard the other day, her little fingernails dug in and DANG, it friggin' hurt. She likes feeling daddy's beard too, its scruffy surface yet soft texture. It's so fun watching her figure stuff out. Discover her surroundings.

And the crawling thing, ugh, it's KILLING me to see her be so independent and strong, but at the same time I'm so proud of her. She sticks her tiny behind up in the air and pushes her face into the ground, but by god she gets where she wants to go. A combination of rolling, pushing, and wiggling around on the ground. It's funny.

Rebecca Woolf over at Girl's Gone Child just found out that she's having twins! Holy crap! I'm so excited though for her. I can't imagine what it would be like to find out you're having twins, and I understand her fear about it. It's overwhelming. But SO exciting! I can't wait to see what she names them, what cute indie folksy clothes she dresses them in, how her two older children Archer and Fable are with their new younger siblings. I can't wait to read about it!

At the end of this month, I've got some plans to meet up with a long-time internet friend, K, and her son, T, who was born the day after Penny. I met K when I first got pregnant. I joined babycenter.com and joined the October 2010 birth board. I found a group of women on there who are as different from me as the day is long, but we developed an amazing bond. Through the last year, we talked almost daily about our pregnancies, our struggles, our marriages/relationships/lack of relationships, our pains, our aches, our joys, our excitement, our worries. It's strange to be so close to a group of women who you might possibly never meet. We're all over the country and one of us is in New Zealand. There are tentative plans to meet up when our New Zealander comes over the pond, but nothing's set in stone there. But this month, K will be coming to visit family in Chicago, which puts her only a few hours from me, which means, A MEETUP! I'm really excited. Like, REALLY excited!

So, my health issues, ugh. The numbness is still very there. My hands and feet and right calf are numb, they're getting harder to use properly. My balance is all messed up because of the numb feet, I even fell face first into a wall at my parents' house two weeks ago. That was awesome...NOT. I had an MRI yesterday (which I'll get to, holy crap) of my brain and spine. I know I should hope they don't find anything on them, but part of me would be happy just to get some answers and not need to do further testing. I would love to just know WTF is going on with my body!

The MRI was well, terrifying. I have a panic disorder, so I told them to give me some kind of sedation meds so I wouldn't have a full-on meltdown once I got in there. So I get there, take the meds, and they bring me in a half hour later. Had the meds kicked in yet? NO, but did I want to hold them up? NO. Of course not. Accommodating ME just went along with it. So I get in there, the tech is really nice. He asks if I need anything before I go in, I say, an eyemask. Ok, so they get me an eyemask. From here on out, I'm depending on my sense of hearing. I hear him clicking things around my head, fastening me in, laying things across my chest, large wire-y things near my arms. He puts some headphones on me and says "what kind of music do you want?" I say, "Oldies" thinking, "they're cheery, and will keep me positive." Plus, if I say rock or something god only knows what kind of crap they'll make me listen to (nickelback? ACK!) I wanted to say, how about some Iron and Wine, or Animal Collective, Cat Power, anything? No....

So, they get me situated, and shove me in the giant magnetic tube. I can hear how tight the space is, just from the echo of noises around me. I can't see anything, but I can tell that the walls are like, inches from my face. I'm thinking, "thank goodness I have this eyemask," there's no way I could keep my eyes closed long enough for this. My morbid curiosity would've ruined everything. A woman's voice comes on in my headphones, "Ok, we're going to get started. You ok in there?" me: "yeah" Her: "Ok, the first scan is 3 minutes." click. All of a sudden BANG BANG BANG right around my head. I think that there's some kind of alarm going off, that something's wrong. But when it continues and no one is pulling me out, I realize, "holy f*%$! this is the scan. I have to listen to this for 3 minutes." BY THE WAY, the oldies music I requested is inaudible during the test, AKA, totally useless. So, the first scan stops. Her voice again: "the next scan is 5 minutes" click. Again with the LOUD and I mean LOUD BANGING. It's a different banging this time, but it all pretty much sounds like you have a metal bucket on your head and someone is slamming a giant sledgehammer against it every half second.

I'm trying to breathe deeply, trying to calm myself down because at this point, the sedation meds STILL HAVE NOT KICKED IN. I had to talk myself out of pressing the "pull me out" button SO many times. I knew I couldn't do it, I knew that if I pressed that button that I'd be wasting everyone's time. I had to deal with it. I kept telling myself. Nothing hurts, nothing is wrong, everything is ok, they need to do this so they know I'm ok, millions of people have MRI's and they're fine!

So, about halfway through, the voice comes on again "we're going to pull you out and inject the contrast now." Wait, what? AN INJECTION? NO ONE MENTIONED A FRIGGIN' INJECTION. Again, breathing deeply. I hate needles, I hate injections, I hate needles, I hate hospitals, I hate the scrubs I have to wear because if I wore my jeans the GIANT MAGNET around me would rip them off or through me or something fucking terrible. I hate hate hate this. breathe deeply.

I leave my eyemask on because I don't want to see any needles. He's (the tech) is talking to me through it. Tries to get a vein on my arm, no luck. Tries to find a vein on my other arm, no luck. Tries on my hand, pokes me, no luck. "Um, I'm gonna have to try your arm, sorry, I have to poke you again." Me:"just do it please." breathe deeply. panic panic panic. breathe. "Ok, I got it." GOOD, jeez, it's not your JOB or anything. "calm down, you're irrational fear and anger of hospitals and anything medical-related is stupid!" I think to myself.

They finish the injection. They put me back in the machine. Guess what, the sedation meds STILL HAVEN'T kicked in. panic panic panic. breathe deeply. Half an hour more of loud banging. I get out and guess who finally feels the meds kicking in? oh, that'd be me. Awesome.

I get dressed and we go home. I'm all loopy and drugged out. Yay...not.

All in all, the MRI was awful, I hope I never need one ever again, and I hope this stupid ridiculous test tells my Neurologist exactly what the fuck is wrong with me.


sorry for the f bombs. I'm just ridiculously stressed out. My life has turned upside down and I'm an emotional wreck. I'm not even going to write about it because I'm tired of crying. I'm tired in every way imaginable. I'm emotionally drained, I'm physically exhausted, I'm mentally consumed with stress, and I'm just a mess. My health is in the toilet and I'm terrified.

Ok, enough about me and my feeeeeeeeeelings. If you've made it this far, thanks. Onto the cute baby pics, I know that's why you're here anyways :)