Picture Post

Well, I've just taken too many darn cute photos of Penny lately, so I'm just gonna share them. :-) Enjoy!

Offbeat Mama

Every Monday, Offbeat Mama has a Monday Montage of photos chosen from the Offbeat Mama Flickr Pool. Well, over a week ago I uploaded a few photos of us in the hopes that they'd be chosen one week. AND THIS WEEK THEY WERE!! Go check out the montage here because we're in it! I'm SO excited!

Offbeat Mama, for those of you who don't know about it yet, is an awesome resource for alternative and offbeat families. It's so cool to hear and see about families that are differently minded (like us) and I just love the articles and ideas that they show on the site. I highly recommend that everyone go and check out the site because it's chock full of awesomeness. Breastfeeding, homebirthing, midwife loving, babywearing, tattooed, pierced, alternative, openminded awesomeness.

Some of you may know, I used the Offbeat Bride website and message board SO MUCH when I was engaged. A lot of what made our wedding unique was from ideas that I got from the wonderful ladies on there. I've made a couple of great friends from there too.

Soon they'll be launching their third addition to the Offbeat family, Offbeat Home. I CAN'T WAIT. I can only imagine the amazing design ideas and gorgeous photos and more.

I hope you guys check these sites out, I love them!!!

Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater

So the first of the 11 books from #75 is Shiver, by Maggie Stiefvater. My good friend, Claire, recommended it and told me that it was "like Twilight" so I'd probably like it.

She was right, I did enjoy it. And now I want to read the next one, Linger, but that will have to wait because I have 10 other books that other friends have recommended that I need to read first!

Ok, so Shiver is about a girl named Grace who gets attacked by a pack of wolves as a kid, and one of the wolves decides to save her and bring her back to her parents. She develops this obsession with this wolf, who has yellow eyes and she sees him in her backyard growing up. This obsession is love, but she doesn't really know it.

This yellow-eyed wolf is Sam, an 18 yr old werewolf, who loves Grace. He too develops an obsession (love) for Grace, hence why he saved her when she was attacked. His werewolf-ism isn't a full moon kind of thing, it's a cold weather/hot weather thing. When it's cold, he's a wolf, when it's warm, he's human.

I won't go into the whole story of it, because if you liked Twilight, you'll like this. "They've gotta fight to be together," "without you I'll die" sort of stuff. Lovey dovey mushy goodness. haha

The author did a great job writing this I think. I don't think it's inappropriate for teenagers like some other book series are (*ahem* House of Night *ahem*) I think she did a good job capturing that "first love" feeling and describes emotion in a way that makes you, as the reader, feel it yourself. When Sam describes how he feels when he sees Grace, you feel it, and you blush for her. It's how every girl hopes to be looked at by the guy of their dreams.

Overall, I really liked this and it was a quick read (two days) which is nice when you've got a little one to look after 24/7.

Next up, The Unabridged Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum!

#9 Try a new recipe each month

January 2011- Orange Beef Stir Fry

Ingredients:
12 oz thinly sliced steak (sliced into bite sized pieces)
1 teaspoon finely shredded orange peel
1/2 cup orange juice
1 tablespoon corn starch
1 tablespoon soy sauce
1 teaspoon sugar
1 teaspoon instant beef bouillon granules
2 tablespoons cooking oil
4 green onions, bias-sliced into 1-inch pieces
1 clove garlic, minced
5 cups coarsely shredded fresh spinach (5-6 oz)
1 8 oz can sliced water chestnuts, drained
3 cups cooked hot rice

Directions:
1. Trim fat from steak, thinly slice beef across the grain into bite-size strips, set aside.
2. For sauce, in a small bowl stir together orange peel, orange juice, cornstarch, soy sauce, sugar and bouillon granules, set aside.
3. In a wok or large skillet heat 1 tablespoon of the oil over medium-high heat. Add green onions and garlic; cook and stir in hot oil for 1 minute. Remove green onion mixture from wok, but leave oil in wok.
4. Add remaining 1 tablespoon oil to wok or skillet. Add beef to it. (Add more oil if necessary during cooking). Cook and stir until cooked to your desired done-ness. Push beef from center of wok.
5. Stir sauce, then add it to the center of the wok. Cook and stir until thickened and bubbly.
6. Return green onion mixture to wok. Add spinach and water chestnuts. Stir all ingredients together to coat with sauce.
7. Cover and cook for 1 minute or more until heated through. Serve immediately over cooked rice.



Overall, we enjoyed this! I've never made something like this before and it turned out really well. The only thing that we thought was that it could be made with more steak and more spinach and sauce. Once you got through those things, the rice on it's own is boring. haha. We liked it though and will definitely make it again!

mama, I need you

So lately I've noticed that Penny has started to really get clingy with me. She screams whenever she can't see me, she watches me move if I'm not holding her, she doesn't like anyone else to hold her, she gets super clingy if I am holding her, etc...

As much as it's annoying sometimes (like when I'm in the shower and talking to her the entire time, she's still screaming since she can't see me), I have to admit that it warms my heart that she finally knows who I am. She's made that connection that I'm hers, and she is mine.

Even when I lay her down to sleep, she'll reach for my fingers and grasp them tight until she's asleep, just to know I'm still there for her. That I haven't left her. I won't leave you, little Penny, never ever.

It's nice to be so needed, but at the same time, it's like, I'm here, if I need to go pee, let me go pee without screaming because you can't see me! :-)

In other news, I'll be going to my hometown this upcoming week for a couple of days for some much needed friend-time. Living a few hours from all of your closest friends sucks. But it's better than the 24 hours away we were when we lived in TX! I can take a couple days to go home and visit with folks and come right back. I love it! I'm hoping to take lots of pics, so hopefully I'll come back with some good ones. :-)

Ok, off to make a new recipe (#9 on the list)! Orange Beef Stir Fry! I hope I don't screw it up!

my letter to Penelope - #27 on the list

My darling Penelope Mae,

Today is Monday, January 17, 2011. You are 3 months and 10 days old. You are beautiful, charming, flirty, funny, smiley, happy, adorable, loving, loud, boisterous, silly, strong, and so much more.

I’m writing this letter to you for when you are older. When you’ve grown up a little bit and maybe need some guidance. When you’re at a point in your life when you no longer need me so much. When you think, “Ugh, mom, leave me alone.” Please know that you are my entire world and that I love you so deeply.

You won’t understand that love until you are much older, I assume. It took me until I was into my 20’s to realize just how much my mom loves me and just what all she has done for me my entire life.

I guess I just want to share some things with you. Some feelings I have, some ideas about the future.

I hope that as you get older that you and I can continue to have a strong, loving mother-daughter relationship. I know those teenaged years are probably going to be rough, as they are with most mothers and daughters. You will rebel against everything I say, and I will be angry about it because I will think that I know best. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. Just know that the decisions I make for you are out of love, complete and unconditional love.

I will make mistakes, as no one is perfect. I know you’ll make some mistakes too, because that’s part of learning and growing up. I will try to understand when you want to hang out with so and so (who I won’t like for some reason) or when you want to try this sport or that hobby, or when you want to go on a trip with a friend, or when you want to go off to college 3783457683324 miles away. Know that my heart will always pine for you, because I am your mother, because I love you, and because I will always want what is best for you.

Trust is a key part in any relationship. I will try my hardest to trust you, if you try your hardest to trust me. Communication is also very important. Don’t ever be afraid to ask me questions, about anything. We’ll probably have some embarrassing (for both of us) conversations, but know that they’re important. Know that when I make a decision for you, that I’m not trying to ruin your life, I’m trying to protect you and do what’s best for you. It’s ok to remind me that you need to do things on your own so you can learn, that doesn’t mean I’ll give in to everything though! If you grow up to be anything like me, we’ll butt heads for sure.

Right now, you are sitting in my lap, I’m typing one-handed and you are talking gibberish to me. I love your little voice, so please don’t scream that you hate me when you’re a teenager. It WILL break my heart.

Please know that I am here for you, always. If you ever need anything, I am here.

As you grow up, you will have days when you are insecure and scared to be yourself. My advice is this: be who you are, who you truly want to be. Don’t let anyone (even me) try to put you into a box and change who you are. Stick to your convictions, and follow your gut instinct. If something feels wrong, stop and leave the situation.

As far as boys/men go, don’t ever let a man make you feel anything less than awesome. If a man EVER hurts you physically, leave and don’t ever look back. It WILL happen again and NO, they won’t change. If a man walks out on you, shut the door and don’t reopen it. Your heart is precious and important, so don't let anyone undeserving have a piece of it.

One day, someone is going to break your heart. Someone is going to make you feel worse than anything you could imagine. It will hurt more than any physical pain, and it will take awhile to get over it, but you will be all right in the end. As cliché as this is, things happen for a reason, and my whole life has shown me why that’s true.

One day, you will (hopefully) be a mother yourself, and you will all of a sudden understand why I do the things I do. Trust your motherly instincts, as NO ONE (not even me) will know your child better than you do. I will be here for any help you want, and I will probably annoy you sometimes and I'm sorry for that, I'll try hard not to tell you how to parent.

I said it earlier, but please, don’t ever hesitate to talk to me about anything. I won’t judge you, I won’t berate you; I will do everything I can to help you, though. I will talk through any problems you might have, and I will talk to you about embarrassing things like boys and sex and acne and weight issues and whatever else you want to talk about. I look forward to sharing things with you, so be open with me. I’m your biggest supporter so don’t think that I’ll think something is stupid or won’t matter. Everything that you do matters to me.

Know that you are amazing, Penelope Mae. I’m lucky to be your mother and I’m so anxious to see the woman you become. Your dad and I will always be proud of you.

All of the love in my heart,

Mama

OUCH

This past weekend, I had one of those mom moments where you stop and think "I'm the worst mother on the whole dang planet. PERIOD!" We went to my hometown this weekend and stayed with my folks because we had a funeral to go to. Hubby's great grandmother passed away, she was 94 years old!

Back to the story...

I was at my parents' house, and I was carrying Penny (she was facing out because she loves watching EVERYTHING now) and I was walking down the stairs when on the 2nd to last step, my sock slipped and BAM, down we went. She immediately started screaming and so of course I'm flipping out thinking she cracked her head or twisted something or broke something! I calmed her down and tried to see if there was any damage. Sure enough, she has a rugburn on her little forehead. THANK GOODNESS I was carrying her the way I was, my arm took the blunt of the stairs for her. I can't imagine what would've happened if I was carrying her facing backwards over my shoulder, I don't even want to think about it.

So needless to say, I feel terrible. I feel so unbelievably awful. My poor little girl got hurt because of a stupid accident, but I can't help but blame myself. I shouldn't have gone on the stairs, I should have paid more attention, I should have done SOMETHING ELSE! I know this is irrational. It was an accident. But as a mother, I am wholly responsible for everything that happens to my little girl, and that should NOT have happened!

You can see her rug burn here, but she's still her normal happy lovely little self. But I hate seeing it, just a reminder of how awful I feel!!!

I hope that thing heals soon. I hate seeing her sweet little face with that on it!

So yeah, this weekend we were back at home for the funeral of Hubby's great grandmother (So, Penny's GREAT GREAT GRANDMA!). She was a lovely woman who cared so deeply about her family. She had 4 children, 20+ grandkids/stepgrandkids, 20+ great grandkids/great stepgrandkids, and 2 great great granddaughters (Penny and her cousin Izzy). She led a very full and long life, passing away at the incredible age of 94. Here are some shots of her at our wedding:

This is one of my favorite pics from the entire wedding, you can just see how happy she is to be there and so happy for us. We were honored that the matriarch of the family was there to support us.

Us with Great Grandma N

She will be greatly missed.

R.I.P. G.N. 1916-2011

So as of late, I've been dealing with what I can only think is PPD. Mood swings, general irritability, unexplained crying, sadness, etc...Absolutely nothing like thinking about harming myself or Penny or anything terrible like that, no way, but I just know that I'm not myself. Tomorrow I plan on contacting a doctor about it and hopefully getting some help. I'm hoping to avoid medication as I'm breastfeeding and I love doing it and do not want to stop at all. I will not give that up, I will do everything in my power to fix myself and feed my baby with my breast milk. I've used therapy before, and if needed, that is what I'll do for this. I'm hoping a doctor will work with me through this. Jim, Penny don't deserve to have a wife/mother who isn't herself. I don't deserve to go through each day not feeling like myself. So, I'm going to fix this. I'm going to take the steps necessary to fix this, to fix me.

Ok, enough of that, here are some shots of the beautiful little girl I get the privilege to spend my days with: