thoughts as of late

I'm not entirely sure why, but it's nights like tonight that make me want to cry. I guess it's just a lot of pent-up stress. eh, whatever.

No one wants to hear about bad things, so I'm going to write about the good in my life.

1. Penelope Mae

First off, look at how stinkin' cute this girl is. I mean really, I think Hubby and I did a pretty darn good job here. She's ridiculous and funny and smiley and wonderful. Easily the best part of my life (sorry Hubby!) She's begun crawling and pulling herself up to standing, but she has to be holding onto something still otherwise she'll tumble. But she's getting better at falling without hurting herself, but today she did smash her face into one of her toys and it left a mark next to her left eye, she was not pleased. But she's getting tougher, and learning that just because she fell that it doesn't mean she can't get right back up and do the same thing over.

She's also sprouting her first little tooth! I cannot believe she's going to have teeth. I mean, babies are adorable, but babies with teeth?! MY BABY WITH TEETH? yeesh, I can't even imagine how she could get cuter...oh wait, yes I can, blond curly pigtails, which are totally in her future. Along with getting teeth is the ugly process of teething itself, I think we had our first crappy encounter with how bad it hurts her the other night. Poor thing was so tired but just couldn't fall asleep and kept rubbing her mouth and crying. We ended up giving her some Tylenol and a cold washcloth to chew on and she perked up a bit, then we gave her a bottle and she was down for the count. Hopefully she doesn't have a lot of nights like that night where she just can't sleep because she's in so much pain from her teeth, it breaks my heart!

Also, the biggest most awesome thing that she's done lately is..................she said "Mama" as her first word! She looked right at me and said it, and ever since then she's called just about everything else Mama, even Daddy, but it's ok, because it's a word and she said it to me! My heart melted into a giant mommy puddle when she said it. I couldn't believe it. She's not even 8 months old yet for crap's sake! She's so darn smart.

2. Hubby
Check out this handsome guy. Yep, he's all mine ladies!


Hubs and I at the park a few weeks ago.

I decided to find some of my favorite pics of us and I about died when I found a couple of these. This is from the first few weeks we started dating, so probably in October/November of 2004, I cannot believe it was that long ago! Look at us, we're kids! And I remember the day he came home with that lip ring, rawr!
This was probably 2006 or so, at the University of Michigan campus. This was my favorite picture of us for the looooooongest time. I just love his eyes in it, you can see how pretty and green they are.

This was on our honeymoon, August 2009, at Mackinac Island, Michigan. We were on the boat on the way over to the island, yet another one of my favorites.
Amidst looking for cute shots of us, I stumbled upon this one, I miss my hair like this, wasn't it fun? This was on my 22nd birthday!
Hubby and I have spent some time lately reminiscing about our past, our almost 7 years together. It's amazing to see that and to say it out loud, we've been together for 7 YEARS! Well, in September it'll be 7 years, but that's not far off. I've spent nearly a quarter of my life with this man so far, and things are only getting better. It's been fun having these memorable conversations with Hubby because I think it reminds us of all the amazing times we've had together and it's really funny to listen to him tell me how he was feeling and what he was thinking during some of our most memorable times, like our first kiss, our first "date," etc... And another night we just drove around our hometown and showed each other different places that we spent time at growing up and what it meant to us and it's been cool because I feel like I've gotten the chance to really open up to him and to have him open up to me too, it makes these memories that much more memorable when you know how you and the other person felt while experiencing the same situation.

It's good to be in love.
<3

First round of IVIG

I’m sitting here in the Cancer Center receiving my first round of five IVIG treatments. It’s a little surreal that I’m here. I was so worried 5 months ago when the numbness started that it would just continue and end up becoming a disability, and in some ways, it is a disability now. Weak wrists, wrist drop, foot drop (when your wrist/foot literally just gives out on you), balance issues, grip issues (I seriously have a hard time opening anything and grasping things tightly) Sometimes I worry about carrying Penelope. Usually I’ve got her held by my arms, and not my hands so much. I don’t think I’d ever forgive myself if my wrist gave out on me while she’s in my arms. I’m absolutely terrified to go down stairs with her in my arms, for fear that my wrist or foot will give out and down we’ll go.

Part of me is really worried that this treatment won’t do anything. But that’s me, the anxious pessimist. I worry that I’ll have to get these infusions pretty regularly, even every few months seems like a lot to me. I’d be stoked if I have to just do it once a year for the rest of my life. Who knows, we’ll see what the end result is. I don’t even worry though that it’ll take the numbness away, I don’t think it will, and I can live with that. I’ve gotten accustomed to having that “pins and needles” feeling in my hands and feet constantly (yep, going on 5 months of it now). But I’d be happy if it stops the progression of the numbness and keeps it from turning into a major disability in the future. And as I get older, it might, but for now, I’d be really happy if I can continue to be the mama I want to be to Penelope and our future kids. I don’t want this disorder to take away from that. I’ll never forgive myself if it does. Penelope needs me too much for me to let this ruin me. I’m strong, right?

Ok, enough of that for now. I want to talk about Pinterest. This is a website that is essentially my dream come true as far as inspiration boards go. I HATE making them in photoshop, so tedious and annoying. But this website just allows you to keep these pictures for anything on specific boards that you choose. I’ve got like 11 boards now I think, ranging from Baby Stuff, to cool photography, to hair ideas I love, to pics of handsome actors I like, haha. But really though, I could spend all day looking at this site. It is constantly updated with new pictures of crafts, style, clothing, home décor, unique sayings and quotes, kids ideas, etc… Like I said, basically it’s my interwebz dream come true. I love that all these things I love are in one place and I don’t have to save all of these hundreds of images on my computer (taking up unnecessary space) and also most of this is stuff I’d never find on my own. It’s kind of cool to see what other crafty mamas are into and what cool ideas people come up with. It’s the best thing ever. If you want an invite to use it, just comment below with your email and I’ll send you one.

That's all for now. More tomorrow, maybe with pics if the hospital's internet stops being stupid.