First round of IVIG

I’m sitting here in the Cancer Center receiving my first round of five IVIG treatments. It’s a little surreal that I’m here. I was so worried 5 months ago when the numbness started that it would just continue and end up becoming a disability, and in some ways, it is a disability now. Weak wrists, wrist drop, foot drop (when your wrist/foot literally just gives out on you), balance issues, grip issues (I seriously have a hard time opening anything and grasping things tightly) Sometimes I worry about carrying Penelope. Usually I’ve got her held by my arms, and not my hands so much. I don’t think I’d ever forgive myself if my wrist gave out on me while she’s in my arms. I’m absolutely terrified to go down stairs with her in my arms, for fear that my wrist or foot will give out and down we’ll go.

Part of me is really worried that this treatment won’t do anything. But that’s me, the anxious pessimist. I worry that I’ll have to get these infusions pretty regularly, even every few months seems like a lot to me. I’d be stoked if I have to just do it once a year for the rest of my life. Who knows, we’ll see what the end result is. I don’t even worry though that it’ll take the numbness away, I don’t think it will, and I can live with that. I’ve gotten accustomed to having that “pins and needles” feeling in my hands and feet constantly (yep, going on 5 months of it now). But I’d be happy if it stops the progression of the numbness and keeps it from turning into a major disability in the future. And as I get older, it might, but for now, I’d be really happy if I can continue to be the mama I want to be to Penelope and our future kids. I don’t want this disorder to take away from that. I’ll never forgive myself if it does. Penelope needs me too much for me to let this ruin me. I’m strong, right?

Ok, enough of that for now. I want to talk about Pinterest. This is a website that is essentially my dream come true as far as inspiration boards go. I HATE making them in photoshop, so tedious and annoying. But this website just allows you to keep these pictures for anything on specific boards that you choose. I’ve got like 11 boards now I think, ranging from Baby Stuff, to cool photography, to hair ideas I love, to pics of handsome actors I like, haha. But really though, I could spend all day looking at this site. It is constantly updated with new pictures of crafts, style, clothing, home décor, unique sayings and quotes, kids ideas, etc… Like I said, basically it’s my interwebz dream come true. I love that all these things I love are in one place and I don’t have to save all of these hundreds of images on my computer (taking up unnecessary space) and also most of this is stuff I’d never find on my own. It’s kind of cool to see what other crafty mamas are into and what cool ideas people come up with. It’s the best thing ever. If you want an invite to use it, just comment below with your email and I’ll send you one.

That's all for now. More tomorrow, maybe with pics if the hospital's internet stops being stupid.