blogging fail

Sorry I've been MIA lately. I've been working A TON and actually interviewed for another job which I REALLY hope I get. I'm a busy lady.

I've gotten a few painting orders as of late too, which has kept me busy too. I wish I had more time to devote to my painting, I feel like between work, family time, sleeping, painting, and getting in some relaxing time, I'm just totally spent. Why can't there be more hours in the day? And why can't I do better on less sleep? Sleeping is silly, but I love it.

Miss Penelope is doing well. She's got two little teeth popping through, one's already all the way through, the other is causing her all kinds of trouble and pain and this Mama Bear doesn't like it! I hate seeing her in pain, she's so little and can't understand why she's hurting and she just gets this look in her eyes that's like, "why is this happening to me, Mama? It hurts so bad!"

We've been giving her a mesh teether thing with frozen juice in it to help soothe her gums, which she seems to looooooove. See exhibit A below:


But for the most part, she's a very happy almost 9 month old (holy crap, 3 more months and she'll be a year old!) and she's getting to the stage where she's figured out how to throw tantrums and scream about anything and everything. But she's also moving around like it's nobody's business. She's thisclose to walking, she keeps standing and holding onto something, then letting go and slowly bending her knees til she's on the floor again. We seriously need to invest in baby gates. Right now we're using those huge blue storage bins and they are an eyesore and a pain in the ass to get over with a sleeping baby in your arms. But overall, things with Penelope are great, she's really funny and has started dancing to music (I'll post a video soon). She waves and smiles and plays games with you (peek-a-boo mostly) and she has really started amusing herself. She's realized she has these things called HANDS and you can move them around and open and close them and grab things and WOW! It's a whole new world!

Look ma! I've got hands!

I've been trying really hard to think of things I can write about in here, but my brain is so mushy most of the time from doing something constantly that it's just like, meh.

Oh! My wonderful grandparents are in town for 10 days visiting from Florida, and yesterday was the first time they met miss Penny. They just adored her and it was so cute to see them with her. Penny has also reached that stage where she doesn't like strangers much, so she cries whenever someone new holds her. Which always baffles me because some people get all offended when babies cry when they hold them, they're like, "aww he/she must not like me at all! waaaaa!" It's like, no, you're a stranger, they're a baby. They don't know you. If some weird person picked you up and made googly eyes at you and weird noises and you couldn't talk yet, you'd probably cry too. Just sayin'.

So today I have a day off of work, I'm trying to decide how much time to dedicate to painting, to family time, and to cleaning. I need to do all three today, as all three are important (one more than others, obviously). So perhaps we'll go to Kensington today and have a picnic (on my 101 things list!) or something. It's a pretty perfect day for it, 78 and sunny! We might also go to the Salvation Army just to peruse around. I have a few crafty ideas I want to get started on, so we'll see if that happens or not...

What are you doing today?

Just Like Barbie

Ok, so I called this post "Just Like Barbie" because like that famed doll, there are many professions I'd love to have in my lifetime. Obviously, all of them aren't feasible, and I hear you, yeah you, saying" Mere, you can do anything you put your mind to!" Well, no. Life doesn't work that way. So since this is my blog, and this is my little mind escape, I'm going to write out my dream jobs here.

1. Teacher
I think of all my dream jobs, this is the one that's most likely to happen. I'm about a year of school and a semester of student teaching away from being a licensed English teacher in Michigan. Part of me really wants to finish it, and I think that someday I will. My friend, Claire, is well on her way to getting a teaching job here in MI, which as most of you well know, that's a hard thing to do here right now. I occasionally helped Claire grade her student's papers this past semester and I loved helping her. I loved getting out a colored pen and correcting sentences and checking answers. I loved correcting spelling mistakes and telling students "Great Job!" with a smiley face. Hearing Claire talk about her lesson plans and the books they're reading was so inspiring to me, and she tried her hardest to get me to go back to school in the fall. (Sorry Claire, not this year!)
But rest assured, someday I will be a teacher, and I'll be one of the many underpaid, under-appreciated, tired, over-worked teachers who are treated like dirt by the government (did you know they don't even teach penmanship anymore? WTF!?! oh, and how about how baseball players get millions of dollars a year while those in charge of EDUCATING OUR CHILDREN get somewhere around the poverty line? yeah, I could go on...) But I'll love helping students read literature and love it. I had some truly inspiring English teachers throughout school, I hope to be that person for even one kid someday.

2. Singer
Ok, so I know this is silly. I'm super shy, not very outgoing, and have terrible stage fright. Not to mention the fact that I can't sing. But boy do I belt it out in my car when I'm by myself! (Seriously, I'm friggin' Adele sometimes) But honestly, I'm terribly jealous of people who have true musical ability. I can't play any instruments or anything either. I listen to singers like Adele, like Lady Gaga (say what you will about her outfits, that chick can SING), like Joy Williams (The Civil Wars) and I'm just so emotionally moved by their voices. I can feel the gut-wrenching love or sorrow in their voices. I wish I could convey that through music. It blows my mind though how some people can get famous (*ahem* Britney Spears, Ke$ha, etc...*ahem*) when they have zero talent and then people who can genuinely sing get brushed aside for one reason or another. It's so weird that people like to listen to garbage rather than music that will send emotion into your soul.

3. Astronaut
I would LOVE to travel to space. Seriously, if Battlestar Galactica was real, I'd want that to be my life. How totally badass would it be to fly through space in a SPACESHIP?!? C'mon, you know that sounds awesome. I do love all things outer space (have you seen my tattoos?), and I do wish that I was better at science in general, and if I was, I might have gone that direction. But you have to be good at math too, and well, I'm not really into numbers, I'm more of a words kind-of-gal. But I wish I was out there discovering new planets and stars. I wish I had the stomach to break our atmosphere and fly into space and see the Earth from the moon. Can you imagine how incredible that would be? OH! And that scene in the movie Sunshine where the crew is watching Mercury pass in front of the sun, oh man, that made me tear up when I saw it in the theater. You can watch that particular scene here or it looks like this mostly, but the video shows the emotion better, so go watch it:
4. Full-Time Painter
This one might be feasible at some point as well, but I'll put it under my dream jobs for now. As many of you know, I have a small painting business called Clever Characters and basically I paint personalized name art for kids rooms. I also do what I call "family art" which is basically the family name along with whatever design the family wants on it. I've been doing it for about 2 years now and really enjoy it. It's fun to look back at my first few paintings and see just how awful I used to be and just how far I've come. Believe me, I've still got A LOT of learning to do, but I'm enjoying the process so much. And it means THE WORLD to me when I paint something for someone and they are so happy with it and thank me and it just gives me fuzzy feelings. I love doing it, so I hope one day, when we've got all our babies born and are settled, that I can focus my time on painting and raising babies. :)

5. Nurse
As much as I hate-loathe-despise hospitals and anything medical-related in general, I do wish that I didn't. I wish I could be in there, saving lives, making people feel better. But in reality, this is one dream job that will NEVER happen because just walking into a hospital raises my blood pressure and makes me sweat. Oh well. But I do want to say that I am very grateful for all the men and women who can handle it so well and love their job. I would love to be a midwife mostly, but since fainting at the birth of my best friend, Mikaela's, baby boy, well, I just don't think it's for me.

So tell me, friends, what are your dream jobs?

Switching Roles - A Father's Day Story

So Penelope is 8 1/2 months old now, and in her short life, she's moved across the country, then to a city across the state we moved back to, and then back across the state again. We've done a lot of moving because, well, life happens.

During those first 4-5 months of her life, I was a stay-at-home mom. My husband had a job that allowed us to do this and we were very grateful for that. I will never forget that time I had with her, never. But now that we moved back home (move #3), my husband and I have switched roles. Due to the amazing economy, he lost his job, so we had to move back in with my folks for awhile. It's been really hard for us.

Going from being completely self-sufficient and living on your own for 8 years to living in your parents' basement is hard to swallow. As lucky as we are, and as grateful as we are for being able to move back home for awhile to get back on our feet, it's still tremendously difficult.

Like I said, Hubby and I have switched roles. I'm working now, for just over minimum wage (thanks Bachelor's Degree!) and Hubby's at home with Penelope. He's going back to school in the fall to complete a computer programming and engineering degree so that he can get a great job and we can finally start our lives successfully. We both feel like we've barely been able to keep our head above water for awhile now, and I know how stressful this is on him, as well as me, obviously.

Ok, so the whole reason I wanted to write this post is because I just want to let my Hubby know how happy it makes me to see him with our daughter. To see him become "Daddy" and really let himself be who he is around Penny. I don't know if he even realizes how good of a father he is. The Jim I see when he's around Penny is the Jim I fell in love with, a much different version, but a confident, silly, handsome, smiling, proud version. And I love it.

The Jim I fell in love with was a rebellious punk rocker who smoked cigarettes and drank Jack Daniels on a regular basis. He knew he was sexy. He oozed confidence, that kind of "I don't give a f*!k" attitude that made me swoon. He knew he mesmerized me, or maybe he didn't. I still don't know for sure. He wore dark skinny jeans and black dirty t-shirts and chucks and had hair like Robert Smith. He wore a studded belt with a pentagram belt buckle. He didn't give a shit about what people thought about him. He was SO hot.


The Jim I'm in love with now is much different, but still just as amazing and sexy to me as he was before. He's confident, but in different ways, and about different things. He dresses a bit differently, he's shaved his head (no more Robert Smith hair), he prefers vegan cuisine and doesn't smoke anymore, and barely drinks. He has goals and dreams for us as a family. He's all grown up.



The Jim I'm in love with now is a great Daddy. He loves Penelope with his whole heart, and you can see it in his eyes when he looks at her. When he walks into the room and she smiles and jumps and gets excited, you can see how much it means to him to be loved back by her. He will do ANYTHING to make her smile, make any noise, mimic anyone, sing silly songs that he makes up on the spot. He's very protective of her, and watches her carefully. It's a side of him that I adore. It melts my heart into a gigantic mommy puddle when they're together.


So I just want to say, Hubby, Father of my child, love of my life, that you are amazing. And I am very proud of the father you've become and how much it means to you to take care of us. Penelope and I love you so much. Thank you for being in our lives.

Happy First Father's Day!

Things I Wish I Could Wear and Actually Pull Off

I wish I could afford to be this stylish....a girl can dream though!

From Here

From Here

From Here

From Here

From Here

*Picture Post*

Only the Breast

Breastfeeding is something that most people do not understand. Unless you are a mother who has tried or has breastfed her child(ren) you can't really "get it." The dedication, the time, the loss of sleep (moreso than just the waking up with the baby), the dedicating your body to your baby for more than just the 10ish months you're pregnant, the struggling, the pain, the sore nipples, the cramps, the sheer exhaustion and mental distress that comes with it those first few weeks, etc...the list goes on and on and on!

Another aspect of breastfeeding to think about are the moms who want to breastfeed but can't for a variety of reasons. Some of them accept it and are totally ok with it, but many moms who want to and can't feel like they are failing their babies. This of course isn't true, but it's a very valid feeling to have. If I hadn't been able to breastfeed Penelope I would've felt like the worst mother on the planet, and how awful I must be to not be able to feed her naturally and blah blah blah. I would've had PPD MUCH MUCH worse if I hadn't been able to breastfeed her, and I know that in my heart. So these feelings are completely valid and normal.

So, what does a mother who wants to give her baby breast milk but can't breastfeed do? Well, my friend B showed me this website where moms can go on and sell their breast milk to other moms. It's called Only the Breast. Their are numerous ads on their from moms who want to sell their breast milk, and prices range from $.40 an ounce to $2.75-$3.50 an ounce, from what I've seen just browsing.

Ok, so do the math, a newborn typically can eat 1-3 ounces a feeding, every 2ish hours a day for the first few weeks, then the # of ounces will go up as the baby gets bigger of course. It averages out to about 12-36 ounces a day at first. So that could cost you from $4.80 (12 ounces at $.40/ounce) to $108 (36 ounces at $3/ounce) a day. So obviously, buying breast milk could be quite costly. It just depends.

There are also milk banks that you can buy from, but those are almost always $3 an ounce at least because the milk that's donated is regulated and certified by the bank in that the mothers who donate have to:

• "be non-smokers
• not regularly consume any medication (including mega-vitamins)
• not consume excluded medications or alcohol within the specified exclusion period

Milk is transported to the milk bank frozen. The milk from several donors is pooled after thawing, and then heat-treated to kill any bacteria or viruses. The milk is processed and then refrozen. It is only dispensed after a sample is cultured and shows no bacteria growth. Milk is shipped frozen by overnight express to hospitals and to individual recipients at home.

The milk is dispensed by physician prescription or by hospital purchase order only. There is a processing fee charged to cover the expense of collecting, pasteurizing and dispensing the milk." -from http://www.hmbana.org/index/faq#what-

So yes, you'd be getting the best possible breast milk for your baby, but you'd be paying quite a bit for it. So it mostly comes down to how strongly you feel you want to give your child breast milk over formula, and if you can afford the expensive cost of buying donor milk. I wish that I could have donated my milk, but my body just produced enough for Penelope, we hardly ever had extra frozen, and if we did, it was a really good day and I felt like a million bucks just to get those few extra ounces out for her so that if I did need to go somewhere without her for a few hours, I knew that she'd be ok. I read a lot about women who over-produce their milk and can donate and honestly, I was so jealous! I would LOVE to have been able to donate my milk to hospitals to help babies in desperate need of those extra antibodies and goodness that only breast milk has. Maybe next time around my body will go into overdrive.

As far as how much formula costs, it depends on which brand you buy. We use the Target brand, Up & Up, for Penelope, because honestly, it's cheaper and Penelope will actually drink it. We tried the Enfamil and Similac brands for her, and she wouldn't drink any of it. Something good to know though, that according to the FDA's website, "all infant formulas marketed in the US must meet federal nutrition requirements." So why waste $25-$35 on a can of formula that might last you a week or less when you can buy the Target brand for $15 a can, at least that's our thinking about it. Because we're broke and cheaper anything is better for us right now, plus, like I said, Penelope will actually drink it, and wouldn't drink the expensive brand named kinds. Oh darn!

Also, as most of us know, (well, at least the ones of us who are parents), we know that having babies is expensive, so trying to cut costs anywhere we can is important. We aren't giving her something not as good for her just because it's not name brand formula, and honestly I'm really ok with it. I breastfed her as long as my body would let me, which was about 5 1/2 months of her life. But I know that I gave her the best food available while I could. If I could have afforded to, I would have bought donated milk, but I personally couldn't afford to, and I'm ok with that, too.

So many options, mamas! But feel good about whatever choice you make for your child, and try not to feel shame about what you can or cannot give your baby. Do what you can and know that you're doing your best to your ability. Being a mother is hard enough without making ourselves feel worse about things like this, they're only little babies for so long and you need to enjoy that time, not beat yourself up about things that may or may not be in your control.

Just try to smile and enjoy your little one while they're still little!

A Day at the Pool

Today, Miss Penelope and I went to visit my bestie Mikaela and her son, Sullivan. We decided to go to the pool because it was 87 degrees and sunny! Penny hasn't been swimming yet so I was SO excited that we were going to get the chance to try it out since she loves bath time so much.

This morning, Hubby and I went to Target to get Penny some of those swimmer diapers (because a soggy diaper is just, well, ew.) and a floatie of some kind so she'd be safe and sound. We found this adorable thing:

(that's definitely not us.)

The day was fun though. I hadn't seen Mikaela in like a month (which is blasphemy in best friend time) and it was so nice to get out into the sun for once. I feel like on my days off I still spend a lot of time inside. I need to get out more, and honestly, I need to work out too, but that's another post entirely. But here are a couple shots from today:

we were putting sunscreen on her head, and her hair got all crazy in the process

First time in a pool! She looks like she hates it here, but she was smiling seconds later!

Yesterday, I got to spend the afternoon with another bestie of mine, Claire! She's a long-term substitute English teacher at a middle school right now (hopefully a faculty member for next year though!) and she needed some help grading homework and papers and whatnot so I met up with her at the coffee shop and we chatted and gabbed about books and students and handwriting and caught up on each other's lives. I love hanging out with Claire, she always has such a positive attitude and always helps me look at things from a different perspective. We are two TOTALLY different people, in almost every way, but we get along so well and know each other through and through. I don't know where I'd be without Claire in my life, honestly. She's an amazing friend and I'm lucky to have her. Here we are: I tried to find a recent pic of us and I stumbled upon this one from her bday 2 years ago, and it made me smile, so I'm posting it. Sorry Claire!

While we were grading those 8th grade English papers, it made me realize how much I still want to be a teacher someday. Claire did her damnedest to get me to seriously think about going back to school, and maybe I will, but right now, it's not in the cards. But someday in the next 5 years or so, I'd like to go back to school and at least finish my teaching degree. I'd love to be a middle school English teacher, just sitting there in the coffee shop, reading these 14 year old student's reading logs and seeing their opinions of the books they're reading and seeing how their thought processes work was so interesting to me. It kind of re-ignited my passion for books and literature and writing and wanting to make it interesting and fun for kids. We'll see though if it's in the cards or not, I've got coffee to make for now, haha!

As far as my health stuff is concerned, I think I'm doing better! Tonight I realized that my hands and feet aren't AS numb as they were, it's still there for sure, but it's not nearly as bad. THIS IS SUCH A GOOD THING FOR SO MANY REASONS! I was honestly getting worried after my treatment and nothing had happened yet, that perhaps they misdiagnosed me and perhaps it was something much worse. BUT, the good news has arrived I think! One of the tell-tale signs of my specific disorder is its response to treatment. If it didn't respond to treatment then there would be a much greater chance that they misdiagnosed me, so I'm really hoping this is a good sign that they got it right on the first try. I go at the end of June for another EMG (remember, the pokey needles and taser test?) to see if they can track my nerve conductions and see that the treatment did its job in preventing further damage or not. Well, it at least feels better to me! My wrists are still REALLY weak in comparison to how they used to be, they ache a lot, but the numbness is nowhere near where it was!

I just realized that I never posted how the treatment itself went. Whoops! Ok, so I did the 5 day IVIG treatment, and it basically just made me really tired. Each day I'd come home and nap for a a few hours after, but I was pretty much myself after waking up from the naps. Here's the bad news, I got a TERRIBLE migraine that lasted 6 days afterward. The headache started on day 4, but went away before day 5, then came back after treatment on day 5 and stayed for 5 days. It was BAAAAAAAAD, too. I was immobilized basically, I could barely open my eyes, the light hurt, so I spent a lot of time in bed, under the covers with an ice pack on my head. Finally I couldn't take it anymore, and I called my Neurologist and my Neuro nurse, Crystal (who by the way is my saving grace) and she called in a steroid prescription for me to help the headaches. Well, I started the 9-day steroid and that same evening I felt 1000000x better. My headache finally subsided and I'm back to normal now, but man, I was out of work for almost 2 weeks because of this, which totally screwed us over, let me tell ya! Plus I hate not being at work, especially for a crappy reason like that. But now they know that the IVIG affects me that way, so next time I do it they can give the prescription right off the bat so I don't have to deal with the headaches. :)

Enough for now, goodnight moon.