my letter to Penelope - #27 on the list

My darling Penelope Mae,

Today is Monday, January 17, 2011. You are 3 months and 10 days old. You are beautiful, charming, flirty, funny, smiley, happy, adorable, loving, loud, boisterous, silly, strong, and so much more.

I’m writing this letter to you for when you are older. When you’ve grown up a little bit and maybe need some guidance. When you’re at a point in your life when you no longer need me so much. When you think, “Ugh, mom, leave me alone.” Please know that you are my entire world and that I love you so deeply.

You won’t understand that love until you are much older, I assume. It took me until I was into my 20’s to realize just how much my mom loves me and just what all she has done for me my entire life.

I guess I just want to share some things with you. Some feelings I have, some ideas about the future.

I hope that as you get older that you and I can continue to have a strong, loving mother-daughter relationship. I know those teenaged years are probably going to be rough, as they are with most mothers and daughters. You will rebel against everything I say, and I will be angry about it because I will think that I know best. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. Just know that the decisions I make for you are out of love, complete and unconditional love.

I will make mistakes, as no one is perfect. I know you’ll make some mistakes too, because that’s part of learning and growing up. I will try to understand when you want to hang out with so and so (who I won’t like for some reason) or when you want to try this sport or that hobby, or when you want to go on a trip with a friend, or when you want to go off to college 3783457683324 miles away. Know that my heart will always pine for you, because I am your mother, because I love you, and because I will always want what is best for you.

Trust is a key part in any relationship. I will try my hardest to trust you, if you try your hardest to trust me. Communication is also very important. Don’t ever be afraid to ask me questions, about anything. We’ll probably have some embarrassing (for both of us) conversations, but know that they’re important. Know that when I make a decision for you, that I’m not trying to ruin your life, I’m trying to protect you and do what’s best for you. It’s ok to remind me that you need to do things on your own so you can learn, that doesn’t mean I’ll give in to everything though! If you grow up to be anything like me, we’ll butt heads for sure.

Right now, you are sitting in my lap, I’m typing one-handed and you are talking gibberish to me. I love your little voice, so please don’t scream that you hate me when you’re a teenager. It WILL break my heart.

Please know that I am here for you, always. If you ever need anything, I am here.

As you grow up, you will have days when you are insecure and scared to be yourself. My advice is this: be who you are, who you truly want to be. Don’t let anyone (even me) try to put you into a box and change who you are. Stick to your convictions, and follow your gut instinct. If something feels wrong, stop and leave the situation.

As far as boys/men go, don’t ever let a man make you feel anything less than awesome. If a man EVER hurts you physically, leave and don’t ever look back. It WILL happen again and NO, they won’t change. If a man walks out on you, shut the door and don’t reopen it. Your heart is precious and important, so don't let anyone undeserving have a piece of it.

One day, someone is going to break your heart. Someone is going to make you feel worse than anything you could imagine. It will hurt more than any physical pain, and it will take awhile to get over it, but you will be all right in the end. As cliché as this is, things happen for a reason, and my whole life has shown me why that’s true.

One day, you will (hopefully) be a mother yourself, and you will all of a sudden understand why I do the things I do. Trust your motherly instincts, as NO ONE (not even me) will know your child better than you do. I will be here for any help you want, and I will probably annoy you sometimes and I'm sorry for that, I'll try hard not to tell you how to parent.

I said it earlier, but please, don’t ever hesitate to talk to me about anything. I won’t judge you, I won’t berate you; I will do everything I can to help you, though. I will talk through any problems you might have, and I will talk to you about embarrassing things like boys and sex and acne and weight issues and whatever else you want to talk about. I look forward to sharing things with you, so be open with me. I’m your biggest supporter so don’t think that I’ll think something is stupid or won’t matter. Everything that you do matters to me.

Know that you are amazing, Penelope Mae. I’m lucky to be your mother and I’m so anxious to see the woman you become. Your dad and I will always be proud of you.

All of the love in my heart,

Mama